I do some of my best thinking in the shower. This stems from years of having this be the only spot in the house where I could be alone. They will come into the bathroom but not the shower. It is quiet and calming, and most days they leave me alone now. Water soothes all sorts of ills and as my mind relaxes new ideas emerge,
Water saved me regularly when the kiddos were small. Most frantic days could be smoothed out with the addition of water. A bucket to paint on the sidewalk, a kiddie pool in the back yard, a day at the water park, an afternoon bath that lasts till dinnertime. Something about water puts smiles back on faces, brings an end to fighting, and refreshes the body as well as the soul, all at the same time. So I shouldn't be surprised that shower time offers more than cleansing.
My most recent revelation involves my twin girls. Twins do not have normal sibling relationships, if you have siblings and then have twins you can easily see the differences very early in the twins lives. These children are linked in a most intimate fashion, the need to please Mama, when young, is overshadowed by the need to please your twin. Joint permission is a given, you say yes to one, they assume both have permission. They support, admire, share, encourage, nurture, correct, defend, the list is endless, each other all the time. So why are my twin girls daily ready to throw their best friend out the window?
I got it, in the shower, my answer. Adolescence is a time when a child has the job of separating from her parents and establishing herself as a young adult, this means developing self awareness, setting personal life goals, standing ultimately on your own two feet. Normally this involves some struggles in the parent child relationship as the child pushes for independence and autonomy and the parent relinquishes control over the child. Well, remember that atypical twin relationship...that's it, that's why they are trying to kill one another, they don't have to push us their parents away, they are moving away from each other.
And they are in anguish, a twin is someone who you require in your life, but you also know you can't really have them like you did in the past. Yet this is someone who knows your soul, who knows your most intimate secrets, who has shared your life since before you were born. They want to be free and independent but letting go is almost impossible, the turmoil is evident in our house. But at least I have a plan. We are working to assist them on the road to alone, by encouraging individual activities, and pointing out those successes, healing the hurts they inflict on each other, reassuring them that their twin will always be an important person in their life, someone they can lean on even when they don't live in the same house or state or even country.
Hopefully the struggles will taper off as confidence grows. In the mean time at least I have an inkling as to the root of the daily frustrations and can better negotiate the minefield these twins have created.
