The Perks

The problem with homeschooling is the children aren't the only ones on the learning track. My children's theatre group regularly puts together shows for which I contribute costume expertise. The shows often require historically accurate pieces and guess who is responsible for knowing what works and what doesn't. So I spend research time and for the most part my children only benefit by looking good, and it is my brain that is filled with historical fashion trivia.

I guess the math is just relearning, except for matrices, which turned out to be just totally unnecessary and I don't understand why they were included and totally understand why I never had to learn them in the first place, why would anyone do anything that way? Science just messes up the kitchen, and creates opportunity for more mommy work. But once again as the messes are exploding I have to be the one to explain concepts I haven't thought about in years and end up taking a child to the omniscient Google and tracking down the needed information, that old concept is new again in my brain. Of course went you do this with 5 year olds, a mere two years later you will mention said concept and they will deny any knowlege on the subject. How come I remember?

Communication, it's a Fragile Thing

You may certainly be whatever you want to be and I fully expect you to pursue a passion in your career choice, even if it is journalism and photography. I would like you to be happy. Daddies on the other hand have a different agenda and they think differently, they do not mean to dash hopes and dreams or to make your life miserable but they do worry about the pratical things. Daddies want to know that you will be taken care of, that you will be safe and have all the nice things you need and don't need to make life comfortable. So they hope and encourage and praise safe majors in college, accounting, business, MARKETING, medicine, etc. It is just because they are afraid for you and find letting go almost impossible. When you finish college they want a nice safe job waiting for you so they don't have to worry, and certain majors are more likely to offer those safe jobs. But no major truely gaurantees a job, or happiness, or success. Daddies know that too.

So chase those dreams and create a life for yourself filled with passions, we, yes both of us, will support you all the way in any way we can, because ultimately we all want the same thing. We know as well that you have an outstanding head on your shoulders and a heart that searches for truth. You are not and have never been a frivolous child, you are a classic first born, responsible mature and driven to be first and best. We don't need to be hard on you, you do that for us. Just know that you are truely loved and whatever you choose that is best for you will be just perfect for us.

If Daddy rolls his eyes and makes snarky comments it is just a special daddy way of saying "I am worried and want the best for you and it scares me that you are growing up so fast and I don't know how I can possibly take care of you for the rest of your life unless I lock you in a closet and I don't really know how to respond when I feel so helpless." So just remember that when it seems he doesn't understand or is belittling your choices, it is really just because he cares.

There are many of these special daddy daughter communication techniques that will come to light as you grow older and become a better observer in the meantime I will continue to act as interpreter. Don't hesitate to ask for regular translations.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Everyone gets asked that question. When you're little, you think you can be anything, so you say it: a princess, a doctor, a horseback rider, an artist, a model. We grow out of that mindset as we get older - we are taught you can't be anything you want. You want to be a princess? Yeah right! Grow up - what are the chances you're going to find a royal family to marry into? You're not smart enough to be a doctor. You won't make any money riding horses. You're not talented enough to be an artist. Not tall or skinny enough to be a model.

"You're not good enough."

It's rarely explicitly said, but there's too many instances when children are snubbed because, for some reason, they're "not good enough." Not talented enough, not smart enough, not going to make any money, nothing is good enough.

So we're taught to go to school and study something realistic. Something you can live off of. Something that will make enough money. So kids go to school and they study math and science because that's what is realistic. That's what will "secure them a job."

That's what they'll do for the rest of their lives, and in many cases, they'll hate it. Sure, there's some people who are math and science geeks and they like doing those things. Well, more power to them. That's what schools like to see. They like to see kids excelling in science and math, and even sports and reading. But you know what's waaaaaaaay down on the list?

Art. Drama. Creative writing. Poetry. Shakespeare. Sculpting. Photography. Music.

I'm not a math person. I never have, never will be. I have a friend who is, and we just disagree on how easy/fun math is. My brain just doesn't work like hers does. It doesn't like to process numbers and formulas. There is no emotion in math or science. It's all mindless. It's memorization. There is nothing that you can channel yourself into, because everything is the same. There is one answer for everything, one way to solve the problem, and there's the answer.

Okay, some people like that about math. They like how "simple" it is. But I don't. I hate it. I like the ability to express myself - to put my own spin on the stories that are already out there, to dance, to take pictures. That's how my brain works.

My dad's been obsessed with lectures from the Ted conference recently, and he and I watched one video that Ken Robinson presented on how schools kill creativity. It's actually very interesting, and definitely worth a watch.

I've definitely been sucked into the idea that the world doesn't want people like me. "Photographers? Writers? Musicians? What are we going to do with you? You won't make any money - you'll be a starving artist in the gutter". Well, okay, thanks for your confidence in my abilities.

When I first started thinking about college, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Well, first off, I wanted to be an author because of the freedom I would have with my work schedule. But then I kept hearing things like, "that's a bad major. Don't do that." "You'll never make any money." "What are you going to do with that degree?" So I was like, okay, fine. I like talking to people. I like finding out how people's brains work. Psychiatry. Yeah. I'll do that. But then I had to go to medical school for that. Now, I knew myself well enough to know that there was no way I was going to enjoy medical school all that much. Sure, maybe parts of it, but that was too much. Studying, work, years, everything. Just too much. So I thought, okay, what about psychology? I'll be a clinical psychologist. I'll have my own practice. But then I realized that clinical psychology required lots of sciency things. I supposed I could handle that, but did I want to...? No, not really. So I was like, I'll still major in psychology, but I'll major in something else too. Psychology's reliable, flexible, realistic. I could use it in almost any job. But then people kept saying things like "psychology majors are a dime a dozen," "psychology's for people who don't know what they want to do."

Okay, then.

All of the other "realistic" majors I didn't want to do. I didn't want to pay thousands of dollars a year for going to college to get a degree in something I was going to hate for the rest of my life. That just wasn't worth it! So I hung on to the psychology idea, ignoring the "everyone's a psych major" comments, and tried to figure out what I was going to do with my second major. Something I liked. Creative writing? Yeah, I'd do that! But that's not realistic. What was I going to do with a creative writing major?

Well, I'd write. That's something I really love to do.

I think everyone loses sight of the real point of college. It's about getting an education. It's about preparing you for the "real world." And most importantly, it's really about discovering what you want to do. I don't want to work in an office building for the rest of my life, stuck in a cubicle analyzing numbers. If I'm going to do it for 25+ years, it better be something I really like to do. So at this point, I've decided I don't care what's realistic and practical. Throwing that out the door. I'm going to college in a year and a half, and that seems really close. I'm still formulating exactly what I want to major in, but I know it's gotta be something I really like, but can still use. I'm not going to go to college and pay more than I can afford for an education to just take classes I hate. I'm going to do something I want. I won't care if I'm a starving artist if I love what I'm doing.

So photography and journalism. (Possibly marketing and creative writing, too. I'm bad with decisions.) That's where I am right now. Even as I announced this decision at the dinner table last night, my dad's first comment was "good luck with that."

I want to do what I want. I want to do what I love. I want to be who I am, not who the system wants me to be.

"Okay for Now"

I have found a new favorite book. I got my hands on an ARC for Gary Schmidt's newest. Mr Schmidt wowed me with the The Wednesday Wars and this is being touted as a sequel. Don't worry if you haven't read The Wednesday Wars, but you should, Okay for Now is a stand alone title where the main character had just a walk on part in the first novel. Historical fiction set in the late 60's where the range of topics seems almost overwhelming but somehow are woven seamlessly together. Vietnam, space exploration, science, drawing, dyslexia, baseball, Audubon, theatre, child abuse, friendship and first love, horseshoes, criminal activity, cancer, alcholism, and things as mundane as life in junior high, delivering groceries, sipping cold Cokes on hot summer days, and small town America at it's finest.

I love Doug Sweiteck. This is one amazingly resiliant kid, with a snarky mouth and a heart of gold. He is the youngest of three brothers and sensitive to a fault. His oldest brother Lucas was apparently something of a hellion who ends up in Vietnam where he loses his legs and almost his sight. Lucas' return sets the stage for all sorts of changes in the family. Christopher whose name we learn only late it the book, is another juvenile deliquent in the works or so we think in the beginning. The father of the story is an alcoholic bully who doesn't deserve the amazing sons he sired. Mom is an abuse victim and an enabler, who you love as Doug does, but you wish she was just that much stronger so she could save herself and her sons.

From page to page you ride an emotional roller coaster, laugh out loud momemts are quickly followed by heartbreaking cruelty, and inspirational hope. Mr Schmidt creates characters that are very real and great mixtures of good and evil. I was sure the PE Coach was on my hate list forever, but you come to understand why he is the way he is and along with Doug give him a second chance he doesn't deserve, and this isn't the only character you are forced to change your mind about. There are also folks filled with compassion who lift Doug up when he can't do it alone.

Doug learned from his father that when things are going really well that just means disaster is about to strike, over and over in his life this prophecy is fullfilled, but somehow even when things are at their worst Doug pushes on finding hope and new ways to make things whole. And Doug's father learns some lessons of his own, this part of the story struggles with being credible, we would all wish for the happy ending and I love that so many kid books give them to us but from the adult perspective dad's turnaround is a bit hard to believe and amazingly fast without therapy. You can certainly talk yourself into it, Lucas' return and courage inspire dad to show the same bravery. I did, happily suppending reality and accepting for Doug a new and better life. 'Tis time well spent reading this one.

PS I LOVE that the Five Little Peppers make a guest appearance.