"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Everyone gets asked that question. When you're little, you think you can be anything, so you say it: a princess, a doctor, a horseback rider, an artist, a model. We grow out of that mindset as we get older - we are taught you can't be anything you want. You want to be a princess? Yeah right! Grow up - what are the chances you're going to find a royal family to marry into? You're not smart enough to be a doctor. You won't make any money riding horses. You're not talented enough to be an artist. Not tall or skinny enough to be a model.

"You're not good enough."

It's rarely explicitly said, but there's too many instances when children are snubbed because, for some reason, they're "not good enough." Not talented enough, not smart enough, not going to make any money, nothing is good enough.

So we're taught to go to school and study something realistic. Something you can live off of. Something that will make enough money. So kids go to school and they study math and science because that's what is realistic. That's what will "secure them a job."

That's what they'll do for the rest of their lives, and in many cases, they'll hate it. Sure, there's some people who are math and science geeks and they like doing those things. Well, more power to them. That's what schools like to see. They like to see kids excelling in science and math, and even sports and reading. But you know what's waaaaaaaay down on the list?

Art. Drama. Creative writing. Poetry. Shakespeare. Sculpting. Photography. Music.

I'm not a math person. I never have, never will be. I have a friend who is, and we just disagree on how easy/fun math is. My brain just doesn't work like hers does. It doesn't like to process numbers and formulas. There is no emotion in math or science. It's all mindless. It's memorization. There is nothing that you can channel yourself into, because everything is the same. There is one answer for everything, one way to solve the problem, and there's the answer.

Okay, some people like that about math. They like how "simple" it is. But I don't. I hate it. I like the ability to express myself - to put my own spin on the stories that are already out there, to dance, to take pictures. That's how my brain works.

My dad's been obsessed with lectures from the Ted conference recently, and he and I watched one video that Ken Robinson presented on how schools kill creativity. It's actually very interesting, and definitely worth a watch.

I've definitely been sucked into the idea that the world doesn't want people like me. "Photographers? Writers? Musicians? What are we going to do with you? You won't make any money - you'll be a starving artist in the gutter". Well, okay, thanks for your confidence in my abilities.

When I first started thinking about college, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Well, first off, I wanted to be an author because of the freedom I would have with my work schedule. But then I kept hearing things like, "that's a bad major. Don't do that." "You'll never make any money." "What are you going to do with that degree?" So I was like, okay, fine. I like talking to people. I like finding out how people's brains work. Psychiatry. Yeah. I'll do that. But then I had to go to medical school for that. Now, I knew myself well enough to know that there was no way I was going to enjoy medical school all that much. Sure, maybe parts of it, but that was too much. Studying, work, years, everything. Just too much. So I thought, okay, what about psychology? I'll be a clinical psychologist. I'll have my own practice. But then I realized that clinical psychology required lots of sciency things. I supposed I could handle that, but did I want to...? No, not really. So I was like, I'll still major in psychology, but I'll major in something else too. Psychology's reliable, flexible, realistic. I could use it in almost any job. But then people kept saying things like "psychology majors are a dime a dozen," "psychology's for people who don't know what they want to do."

Okay, then.

All of the other "realistic" majors I didn't want to do. I didn't want to pay thousands of dollars a year for going to college to get a degree in something I was going to hate for the rest of my life. That just wasn't worth it! So I hung on to the psychology idea, ignoring the "everyone's a psych major" comments, and tried to figure out what I was going to do with my second major. Something I liked. Creative writing? Yeah, I'd do that! But that's not realistic. What was I going to do with a creative writing major?

Well, I'd write. That's something I really love to do.

I think everyone loses sight of the real point of college. It's about getting an education. It's about preparing you for the "real world." And most importantly, it's really about discovering what you want to do. I don't want to work in an office building for the rest of my life, stuck in a cubicle analyzing numbers. If I'm going to do it for 25+ years, it better be something I really like to do. So at this point, I've decided I don't care what's realistic and practical. Throwing that out the door. I'm going to college in a year and a half, and that seems really close. I'm still formulating exactly what I want to major in, but I know it's gotta be something I really like, but can still use. I'm not going to go to college and pay more than I can afford for an education to just take classes I hate. I'm going to do something I want. I won't care if I'm a starving artist if I love what I'm doing.

So photography and journalism. (Possibly marketing and creative writing, too. I'm bad with decisions.) That's where I am right now. Even as I announced this decision at the dinner table last night, my dad's first comment was "good luck with that."

I want to do what I want. I want to do what I love. I want to be who I am, not who the system wants me to be.

"Okay for Now"

I have found a new favorite book. I got my hands on an ARC for Gary Schmidt's newest. Mr Schmidt wowed me with the The Wednesday Wars and this is being touted as a sequel. Don't worry if you haven't read The Wednesday Wars, but you should, Okay for Now is a stand alone title where the main character had just a walk on part in the first novel. Historical fiction set in the late 60's where the range of topics seems almost overwhelming but somehow are woven seamlessly together. Vietnam, space exploration, science, drawing, dyslexia, baseball, Audubon, theatre, child abuse, friendship and first love, horseshoes, criminal activity, cancer, alcholism, and things as mundane as life in junior high, delivering groceries, sipping cold Cokes on hot summer days, and small town America at it's finest.

I love Doug Sweiteck. This is one amazingly resiliant kid, with a snarky mouth and a heart of gold. He is the youngest of three brothers and sensitive to a fault. His oldest brother Lucas was apparently something of a hellion who ends up in Vietnam where he loses his legs and almost his sight. Lucas' return sets the stage for all sorts of changes in the family. Christopher whose name we learn only late it the book, is another juvenile deliquent in the works or so we think in the beginning. The father of the story is an alcoholic bully who doesn't deserve the amazing sons he sired. Mom is an abuse victim and an enabler, who you love as Doug does, but you wish she was just that much stronger so she could save herself and her sons.

From page to page you ride an emotional roller coaster, laugh out loud momemts are quickly followed by heartbreaking cruelty, and inspirational hope. Mr Schmidt creates characters that are very real and great mixtures of good and evil. I was sure the PE Coach was on my hate list forever, but you come to understand why he is the way he is and along with Doug give him a second chance he doesn't deserve, and this isn't the only character you are forced to change your mind about. There are also folks filled with compassion who lift Doug up when he can't do it alone.

Doug learned from his father that when things are going really well that just means disaster is about to strike, over and over in his life this prophecy is fullfilled, but somehow even when things are at their worst Doug pushes on finding hope and new ways to make things whole. And Doug's father learns some lessons of his own, this part of the story struggles with being credible, we would all wish for the happy ending and I love that so many kid books give them to us but from the adult perspective dad's turnaround is a bit hard to believe and amazingly fast without therapy. You can certainly talk yourself into it, Lucas' return and courage inspire dad to show the same bravery. I did, happily suppending reality and accepting for Doug a new and better life. 'Tis time well spent reading this one.

PS I LOVE that the Five Little Peppers make a guest appearance.

OMPIYFPIPSAWM

It happens every year, we get two phone calls regarding the Father/Daughter dance and how blatantly unfair it is to call the event a Father/Daughter Dance, because there are some people who don't have a father. My brother suggested an alternative name for the event so as not to offend anyone "Older Male Positive Influence/Younger Female Positively Influenced Physical Social Activity with Music" or OMPIYFPIPSAWM for short. It could work. But it misses the point entirely.

Every young women's first date should be with someone who believes she is truly a gift from God. Who better than her father, one of his jobs is to teach her what to expect from a man and to demonstrate how a woman should be treated. This is the perfect venue for that lesson. There is also an obligation on the part of a male parent to be the earthly example. We pray a prayer that Jesus taught us "The Our Father" why did He give us that? What are we suppose to understand about our heavenly Father, and what image does He expect us to draw from. I wager it is our own earthly daddies who are meant to point us in that heavenly direction, to help us understand just how much He cares.

There is a single mom who's daughter attends every year, and even she said to me as she dropped off her donation this year, it's really about the dads and how special they are. She understands, she knows what a hole the absence of a father leaves in a home. A hole that can be filled by only One. She also has a wonderful daddy.

I feel I am surround by men haters they belittle the need for dads, the need for men. Someone implied the other day that only a female deacon could possibly understand and cure the problem of the priest shortage. I disagree, but that would be another rant. We need to respect the male position in the family and as mothers help dads in those areas, like communication with teen daughters or creating shared experiences, where they sometimes struggle.

We see the impact daily of households headed only by women in our country, we need strong men in positions of leadership in our homes and churches to lead the way for young men. And IMHO this is a job that woman cannot perform. We see it in junior highs boys, there is a loss of respect for the female parent, for female teachers. This is a critical time for the male parent to step up and be the one to primarily discipline the young man or men in his household, also the time to insist that the female parent be respected and treated with courtesy, honor. A dad does this by example and insistance, but if dad is gone this learning can become a challenge for the female parent, finding a male mentor can help facilitate the lesson. All parenting can be challenging that is why we should do it in pairs.

So let's hear it for dads, and not be afraid to use the term father.

I feel a rant coming on, why you ask, all because of the OMPIYFPIPSAWM. It will have to wait till it is safer to rant. Later.

New books

I have just recently finished a few teen tomes and found them satisfying. "Sorta like a Rock Star" by Matthew Quick was a fun over the holiday read. I found the main character impossibly hope filled in the beginning maybe because I am surrounded by such pessimists in my current life, I just couldn't believe anyone living such a life could be so happy and helpful and 17 all at the same time. But by the end of the story I was cheering this young woman on in her quest to save her puppy and in the process her life. An interesting exploration of faith and God also takes place, could be a good discussion book for the girls.

Next I read " I Now Pronounce You Someone Else", really I have a few pages left, but it was another one that I see as a good discussion book for the young ladies. The main character here falls in love, she is also determined to remain a virgin till her wedding, Her virginity isn't the issue here, that is just a personal decision of the young lady and doesn't even have religious roots. The falling in love and what to do about it when you are only a junior in high school is where the conflict lies. I love that she makes wise decisions, listens to friends who care, and realizes how big a step marriage is for a high school student. This is definitely a girl book, filled with romance and heart warming moments. The family relationships add to the topics for discussion, what makes a family, what happens when one becomes broken, and can they ever be fixed? Join Bronwen as she journeys through some tumultuous times.

A recent Alex award recipient "The Room" by Donoghue would also make a great book club read. A young lady is kidnapped at 19 and has lived for 7 years in a 12x12 room with her 5 year old son, held hostage by her captor. A daring escape and the repercussions lead to major character changes and not always what you would hope for or expect. The story is told through the eyes of the young son and his perspective colors yours. I found myself being angry at some of the adults but upon review of their actions found them similar to what I might have done in the same situation. Ma, is your hero while in captivity but she becomes a new and unknown person with the advent of freedom, and her focus shifts so quickly from her son to the outside that I was left wondering if it was the same person. Yet upon considering all that took place, and her goals and the success of those goals, she would need to change her focus pretty dramatically, and quickly. What kept her alive, and sane was her son, she no longer had to fight that battle, just learn to live with the memories.

...So little time...

Do I Out Myself?

I have been asked to give a talk at my church, a 20 minute talk. For starters 20 minutes is a very long time, secondly I am not sure they really want to know my opinion and they might possibly kick me out. Another quandary.

The church I regularly attend is often off in left field in practices and beliefs. While being open and welcoming it occasionally fails in the integrity to our faith principles category. This has been a constant struggle and I am not the only closet conservative in the parish. A number of us actually teach the children weekly, seeing ourselves as preserving the true faith in the generations to come. We have actually considered leaving our parish on more than one occasion, as we live close to at least two other churches that would fill the bill, but we haven't. And now someone has asked me to talk about "What the Roman Catholic Church Means to Us as Women" well, what it means more specifically to me.

There are many answers to this but I guarantee they will not match the reasons of even a few in my audience and many will be appalled. So do I speak my mind, and possibly make life uncomfortable enough that we will have to move on? As open and welcoming as they appear, some are not very welcoming when it comes to those who wish to uphold the teachings of Rome. Hospitality of the warmest sort is reserved for those who condone and hold in esteem a gay lifestyle, who insist that women be admitted to the priesthood, who believe that abortion is truly a woman's choice, who think the problem with a shortage of priests will be improved by allowing priests to marry, who really think men are incapable of running anything and women always do it better, and think the atrocity of pedophilia is a by product of the church's insistence on chastity. If they only knew...It would be back to my Memphis days, Wednesday nights when all the Baptists are out witnessing to everyone at Burger King.

It didn't take long to find out how to rid yourself of the salvation onslaught. And the approach was unavoidable, these folks are truly on a mission, and would speak to everyone in the building before they would leave. You have to admire that kind of passion. As you are just getting ready to sample your flame-broiled selection someone slides into the seat next to you "Have you been saved" is their opening line. "I'm Catholic" became my standard response. This is like a garlic necklace to vampires, the unsuspecting Baptist backs away slowly with the parting response "We'll pray for you." People would be backing away at church like I had the plague.

So I am praying, and waiting and wondering, but still don't know if speaking up will serve any good purpose. And may just bring an end to my clandestine endeavors to save our youth.

Transitions

It was the discussion topic last night at our homeschool parent meeting, transitions. That combined with the new year makes for whirlwind thoughts in my brain. Time for change or just time to improve, or maybe a little of both. My eldest is already in transition, taking college courses, for her last two years of high school, the younger girls just stuck in junior high but we should be gearing up for those high school years. I would like for them to also begin college courses in their junior years so I can avoid teaching calculus and lab sciences. It would effectively end my homeschool hands on time a full year earlier than anticipated. Nice, except I don't know what I want to do with my life.

Lounging at home is out of the question, we will have three in college, which means gainful employment must be in my future. Retirement a distant dream in a fragile bubble. So life in the next few years will be filled with transitions. Scary precipices requiring leaps of faith too often for complacency. What's a mother to do? It is amazing to me how much teenagers still need a mother at home. While they all transition there are frequent explosions, hours of angst, and soulful apologies, that shake a home to the core. So until they are all safely out of the house I feel I must remain in my current unpaid position. It would be nice to find something to do now and smoothly and effortlessly transition to full time when the younger two head off to college. This would avoid transition trauma for me, and make life a little calmer in the intervening years. Eighteen months before I need the brainstorm from which emerges the idea of the century. That and the lottery will keep me from transition trauma.