Everyone gets asked that question. When you're little, you think you can be anything, so you say it: a princess, a doctor, a horseback rider, an artist, a model. We grow out of that mindset as we get older - we are taught you can't be anything you want. You want to be a princess? Yeah right! Grow up - what are the chances you're going to find a royal family to marry into? You're not smart enough to be a doctor. You won't make any money riding horses. You're not talented enough to be an artist. Not tall or skinny enough to be a model.
"You're not good enough."
It's rarely explicitly said, but there's too many instances when children are snubbed because, for some reason, they're "not good enough." Not talented enough, not smart enough, not going to make any money, nothing is good enough.
So we're taught to go to school and study something realistic. Something you can live off of. Something that will make enough money. So kids go to school and they study math and science because that's what is realistic. That's what will "secure them a job."
That's what they'll do for the rest of their lives, and in many cases, they'll hate it. Sure, there's some people who are math and science geeks and they like doing those things. Well, more power to them. That's what schools like to see. They like to see kids excelling in science and math, and even sports and reading. But you know what's waaaaaaaay down on the list?
Art. Drama. Creative writing. Poetry. Shakespeare. Sculpting. Photography. Music.
I'm not a math person. I never have, never will be. I have a friend who is, and we just disagree on how easy/fun math is. My brain just doesn't work like hers does. It doesn't like to process numbers and formulas. There is no emotion in math or science. It's all mindless. It's memorization. There is nothing that you can channel yourself into, because everything is the same. There is one answer for everything, one way to solve the problem, and there's the answer.
Okay, some people like that about math. They like how "simple" it is. But I don't. I hate it. I like the ability to express myself - to put my own spin on the stories that are already out there, to dance, to take pictures. That's how my brain works.
My dad's been obsessed with lectures from the Ted conference recently, and he and I watched one video that Ken Robinson presented on how schools kill creativity. It's actually very interesting, and definitely worth a watch.
I've definitely been sucked into the idea that the world doesn't want people like me. "Photographers? Writers? Musicians? What are we going to do with you? You won't make any money - you'll be a starving artist in the gutter". Well, okay, thanks for your confidence in my abilities.
When I first started thinking about college, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Well, first off, I wanted to be an author because of the freedom I would have with my work schedule. But then I kept hearing things like, "that's a bad major. Don't do that." "You'll never make any money." "What are you going to do with that degree?" So I was like, okay, fine. I like talking to people. I like finding out how people's brains work. Psychiatry. Yeah. I'll do that. But then I had to go to medical school for that. Now, I knew myself well enough to know that there was no way I was going to enjoy medical school all that much. Sure, maybe parts of it, but that was too much. Studying, work, years, everything. Just too much. So I thought, okay, what about psychology? I'll be a clinical psychologist. I'll have my own practice. But then I realized that clinical psychology required lots of sciency things. I supposed I could handle that, but did I want to...? No, not really. So I was like, I'll still major in psychology, but I'll major in something else too. Psychology's reliable, flexible, realistic. I could use it in almost any job. But then people kept saying things like "psychology majors are a dime a dozen," "psychology's for people who don't know what they want to do."
Okay, then.
All of the other "realistic" majors I didn't want to do. I didn't want to pay thousands of dollars a year for going to college to get a degree in something I was going to hate for the rest of my life. That just wasn't worth it! So I hung on to the psychology idea, ignoring the "everyone's a psych major" comments, and tried to figure out what I was going to do with my second major. Something I liked. Creative writing? Yeah, I'd do that! But that's not realistic. What was I going to do with a creative writing major?
Well, I'd write. That's something I really love to do.
I think everyone loses sight of the real point of college. It's about getting an education. It's about preparing you for the "real world." And most importantly, it's really about discovering what you want to do. I don't want to work in an office building for the rest of my life, stuck in a cubicle analyzing numbers. If I'm going to do it for 25+ years, it better be something I really like to do. So at this point, I've decided I don't care what's realistic and practical. Throwing that out the door. I'm going to college in a year and a half, and that seems really close. I'm still formulating exactly what I want to major in, but I know it's gotta be something I really like, but can still use. I'm not going to go to college and pay more than I can afford for an education to just take classes I hate. I'm going to do something I want. I won't care if I'm a starving artist if I love what I'm doing.
So photography and journalism. (Possibly marketing and creative writing, too. I'm bad with decisions.) That's where I am right now. Even as I announced this decision at the dinner table last night, my dad's first comment was "good luck with that."
I want to do what I want. I want to do what I love. I want to be who I am, not who the system wants me to be.
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