Communication, it's a Fragile Thing

You may certainly be whatever you want to be and I fully expect you to pursue a passion in your career choice, even if it is journalism and photography. I would like you to be happy. Daddies on the other hand have a different agenda and they think differently, they do not mean to dash hopes and dreams or to make your life miserable but they do worry about the pratical things. Daddies want to know that you will be taken care of, that you will be safe and have all the nice things you need and don't need to make life comfortable. So they hope and encourage and praise safe majors in college, accounting, business, MARKETING, medicine, etc. It is just because they are afraid for you and find letting go almost impossible. When you finish college they want a nice safe job waiting for you so they don't have to worry, and certain majors are more likely to offer those safe jobs. But no major truely gaurantees a job, or happiness, or success. Daddies know that too.

So chase those dreams and create a life for yourself filled with passions, we, yes both of us, will support you all the way in any way we can, because ultimately we all want the same thing. We know as well that you have an outstanding head on your shoulders and a heart that searches for truth. You are not and have never been a frivolous child, you are a classic first born, responsible mature and driven to be first and best. We don't need to be hard on you, you do that for us. Just know that you are truely loved and whatever you choose that is best for you will be just perfect for us.

If Daddy rolls his eyes and makes snarky comments it is just a special daddy way of saying "I am worried and want the best for you and it scares me that you are growing up so fast and I don't know how I can possibly take care of you for the rest of your life unless I lock you in a closet and I don't really know how to respond when I feel so helpless." So just remember that when it seems he doesn't understand or is belittling your choices, it is really just because he cares.

There are many of these special daddy daughter communication techniques that will come to light as you grow older and become a better observer in the meantime I will continue to act as interpreter. Don't hesitate to ask for regular translations.

OMPIYFPIPSAWM

It happens every year, we get two phone calls regarding the Father/Daughter dance and how blatantly unfair it is to call the event a Father/Daughter Dance, because there are some people who don't have a father. My brother suggested an alternative name for the event so as not to offend anyone "Older Male Positive Influence/Younger Female Positively Influenced Physical Social Activity with Music" or OMPIYFPIPSAWM for short. It could work. But it misses the point entirely.

Every young women's first date should be with someone who believes she is truly a gift from God. Who better than her father, one of his jobs is to teach her what to expect from a man and to demonstrate how a woman should be treated. This is the perfect venue for that lesson. There is also an obligation on the part of a male parent to be the earthly example. We pray a prayer that Jesus taught us "The Our Father" why did He give us that? What are we suppose to understand about our heavenly Father, and what image does He expect us to draw from. I wager it is our own earthly daddies who are meant to point us in that heavenly direction, to help us understand just how much He cares.

There is a single mom who's daughter attends every year, and even she said to me as she dropped off her donation this year, it's really about the dads and how special they are. She understands, she knows what a hole the absence of a father leaves in a home. A hole that can be filled by only One. She also has a wonderful daddy.

I feel I am surround by men haters they belittle the need for dads, the need for men. Someone implied the other day that only a female deacon could possibly understand and cure the problem of the priest shortage. I disagree, but that would be another rant. We need to respect the male position in the family and as mothers help dads in those areas, like communication with teen daughters or creating shared experiences, where they sometimes struggle.

We see the impact daily of households headed only by women in our country, we need strong men in positions of leadership in our homes and churches to lead the way for young men. And IMHO this is a job that woman cannot perform. We see it in junior highs boys, there is a loss of respect for the female parent, for female teachers. This is a critical time for the male parent to step up and be the one to primarily discipline the young man or men in his household, also the time to insist that the female parent be respected and treated with courtesy, honor. A dad does this by example and insistance, but if dad is gone this learning can become a challenge for the female parent, finding a male mentor can help facilitate the lesson. All parenting can be challenging that is why we should do it in pairs.

So let's hear it for dads, and not be afraid to use the term father.

Hope? (My Plan to Possibly Change the World)

I'm not convinced that there actually is a complete lack of hope in today's adolescents. I think that the domino effect of depression works against us. Maybe I'm not the best person to ask - I'm probably the least hopeful person you'll ever meet. Perfectionism does that to you.

However, I don't believe that the world will necessarily be worse in 100 years (though, if the apocalypse comes... hardeeharhar). I don't always think that I will lead the world to a better place, but I believe I have the power to. Saying there's no hope in the world means that you believe there's no hope for yourself... which I can definitely relate to, but don't agree with in a hardcore sense.

The future belongs to us, but not everyone agrees on what a good future is. What defines a "better" future? At this point, I'm not sure what would make a better future... but there are some things that would help for sure.

Peace would always be good, yeah, and maybe we have the power to do that. Maybe being a little bit nicer to people, connecting a little more, making that little bit of effort. A friend once mentioned to me that a smile can change the world... maybe smiling more would help us out. Maybe smiling more would give us a little more hope.

Or maybe less judgement? Less hate might give us some more hope. Respecting people could give not only the judged people, but I think the judging people as well, a little more hope.

I'd definitely like some more world awareness - Invisible Children is helping with that, at least for one aspect (great organization, BTW... if you can, donate! They're wonderful. Check 'em out). But poverty, hunger, and so many other illnesses affect people around the globe. In a better world, we'd need to fix that, and I think most people would agree.

I don't quite know what other things I'd do to make the world better. I do believe we can have a better world in 100 years, I'm just not certain we're all quite sure how.

Hope

OK how about this...What in the world has happened in this country to cause the total lack of hope I see in youth today. I remember feeling and I know I was not alone, that I could do anything, and it was my responsibility to save the world. The whole "Ask not what your country can do for you..." permeated our consciouses we had a duty to make life for others better, to battle injustice where ever we found it, and we did because we believed we could make a difference. We protested, organized and marched, I even joined the Socialist Worker Party as a college freshman, and just knew we could change the world to a peaceful utopia.

Service was a part of your life, not something you got credit for in school. You helped neighbors, worked for you school, even created fundraising events when we felt the call. This is not to pretend that we were not real narcissistic teenagers, we were often as self centered and oblivious as today's youth, but in that narcissism we had the audacity to believe we could make a difference. If asked "In 100 years will the world be better or worse?" we would have overwhelmingly responded "Better" and gone on to explain that it would be so because we were going to make it better.

I did ask my class this year why there was no hope, and one young man said there was just too much information and it consistently left them feeling small and inadequate. I still approach situations with a "What can I do to fix this" attitude while my daughters regularly focus on "Why this can never work." What has changed to make our youth feel so helpless, have we mollycoddled them, failed to inspire them, handicapped them with overprotection? Maybe all of the above? If life is leaving our youth feeling incapable what must we do to build in them a hope that will sustain. A hope that will carry them to heights we can only imagine, and through those times in life when hope is all that is left.

Daughter, thoughts?