Just be kind.

Okay back to the original path. Reminiscing on 30 years of marriage and what if anything we have learned in three decades. My mother was right. Over and over I come to this conclusion so if you have a wise mother listen carefully you will save yourself much trouble over the years.

I called her on Mother's day in 1978 to announce my engagement, we were not getting married for a few years and I didn't have a ring yet but I also couldn't suppress the urge to tell any longer. She had met my future husband only once, we met them in Rockford to pick up an automobile from my folks, one car down, two cars back. So we had dinner and headed back to Minnesota, an hour or so total time spent together. Our Mother's day conversation went something like this:

"Hi, Happy Mother's Day... Guess what?"

"You're getting married"

"What!!?? How...?

"Steve, right?"

"How did you know?"

"He's the only guy I ever saw you take shit from"

She did say shit too, even back then and she wasn't one to swear. Fast forward two years and a few months and we are in the back of the chapel, I am flanked by both my parents Steve precedes me with both his folks. My mother in all seriousness turns to me and says "just be kind." At the time I thought, "What? What kind of words of wisdom to create a lasting memory is that! Pretty lame in my opinion" Well she was right. She knew her sharp tongued, arrogant daughter pretty well and it turned out to be a challenge to follow, yet very effective.

In the heat of an argument, when confronted with dirty socks on the floor again, when the children are given the wrong dinner, if you just stop and think, "be kind" before you say anything you can change the outcome of said confrontation. Now really just thinking "be kind" isn't all you have to do the second and more important step is to apply that advice to anything that comes out of your mouth and any action you take. That is when this advice becomes a little more challenging and much more complicated than the simple statement implies. In other words for a snarky smart mouth young woman this was not easy, but something she needed.

She put those words in my brain on that day and I found that through the years they have surfaced often. Frequently when I least wanted to hear them but most needed to heed their advice. That "lame" comment has turned into a mantra for my daughters as they struggle with growing up. "Just be kind," I remind them, often on a daily basis. It still resonates for me as daily I try to be a better mother and spouse. I don't know that it will ever become easy for me but I also know I will keep trying to "just be kind."